This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
