Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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