i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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