i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
