I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
