That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
