her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
