Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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