it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
