I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I forget how to act sober
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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