I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
