; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
