with your own penis?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
