I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
