my sisters under your porch take her home
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
