Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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