If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
