Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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