He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
