it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
