Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
