we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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