i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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