i don't like sucking hair
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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