it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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