OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
