Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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