somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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