Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
