An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
