Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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