Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
