Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
These tits shall not be calmed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
