Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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