the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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