I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
