just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
