Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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