i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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