The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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