He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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