This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
PANTIES FOUND
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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