i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
