listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
