My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
