i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
