That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
