my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
