My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
