I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
