not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
