Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
