We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Never joke about your clitoris.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
