very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
